Why hate on me and you far behind --Mike Jones, Sewed Up
Mike Jones actually doesn't care about haters. But most rappers lie all the time about how haters don't affect them.
They’re lying, of course, because haters are such a factor in their lives that they write whole songs for them and let haters in their heads. We're not rappers, but we've all encountered haters. The challenge in dealing with them is seeing them for what they are. Rather than being an indictment of your actions, haters are an inevitable byproduct of making positive changes or doing something well. Haters are a force of nature.
Now if somebody says you suck and you DO suck, they're not hating. This post assumes you have a good grip on reality and that you are honest with yourself about your shortcomings. If you have three infant children and you're at the club every night, you don't have haters--you have responsible adults telling you you suck because you do.
You can react to haters in two ways--the way I do out of habit now or the normal way. If you react the normal way, you're probably the one posting quotes on Facebook about lions ignoring mice or about how you're above judgment or something.
Remember, haters are a force of nature. If you drop your cup of coffee today, you wouldn't post something about how gravity doesn't understand your fabulous lifestyle and how your actions are above reproach. You shouldn't do that with haters, either.
You should treat gravity, insects and haters with the same indifference because they are in this world, you will run into them, and you cannot change their behavior. When you encounter a hater, your reaction should be the same as when a bee tries to sting you. You avoid it. Maybe you swat at it. But after that, you forget about the bee because 1) it had nothing to do with you 2) living your life is more important than trying to understand an illogical force of nature.
That's the thing--just like bees being drawn to flowers, haters can't HELP themselves when they get the urge to hate. Something you're doing has made them question their own value and they reflexively tear you down as a release. They don't know they're doing that, but they are..
Ever since I’ve been good at things, I’ve encountered haters. I’m not famous or successful enough to have dedicated ones, just ones that pop up from time to time when things are going well for me. This happens a lot in the gym, especially when I’m lifting heavy. I remember one session where I was deadlifting 405 for 5, a heavy weight for me. Like most days, I didnt say a word to anyone in the gym that day. I just trained. In the locker room, a guy came up to me and said “jeez just watching you deadlift made my back hurt man.” This was a diss about my form, but I was too tired to get it or care and I greeted him with enthusiasm and kindness, like I do with everyone.
Me: “Oh yeah? Is that a heavy weight for you too?”
Guy: “Aw man, nowadays I don’t even lift heavy. How old are you?”
Me: “[insert age younger than the guy Im talking to. Weak people LOVE having explanations for their mediocrity. I used to provide these explanations for them to save time, but I don't do that anymore. I like watching them squirm to come up with their own script about why it's OK that they suck at everything.]”
Guy: “Oh you see, Im in my 40s. I dont do that stuff any more because I know Ill get hurt. I leave my ego at the door man. I drive a minivan now.”
I can speak Haterese now that I've been hated on for so long. Let's break down what Guy said. The next time you encounter a hater or an insecure person trying to reassure themselves, I BET you you'll see striking similarities with this breakdown.
"I'm in my 40s." This shows a belief that old people can't train hard or lift heavy. Most don't, but most can. It's an unspoken belief that age frees you from doing hard things. People use injuries, body types, and their "type" of fitness as excuses in the same way.
"I'll get hurt." If you train hard you'll get hurt, period. Again, another false belief to justify weakness.
"I leave my ego at the door." This is sneaky. He's saying the reason I lift heavy is because I have an ego. Doing something impressive doesn't mean you're trying to impress people. Olympic athletes aren't showing off--they're doing what they love and it just happens to be impressive. But this guy secretly wants to be mediocre forever, so he crafts these beliefs to justify his actions.
Ego at the door guy had on an altitude mask and was doing half squats with dumbbells while breathing very loudly in and out of his mask in front of the gym crowd. I lifted more than he could in silence, tidied up my area and left. Then he came and talked to me about his philosophy on life while I was getting dressed. Who has the ego?
I’m good at studying foreign languages, too. Once I gained proficiency, people started hating:
“Oh, you must have a skill for that.”
“You won a scholarship? See, me, I work my way up.”
“You’re not even a native speaker.”
“Wow, that guy speaks Thai? That’s so much cooler than the language you speak.”
"I LOVE languages but I don't have the time to study them."
All direct quotes from people who were hating and probably didn’t realize it. Again, haters see something they want, don't want to put in the effort to get it, and then create a narrative to simultaneously tear down the person they're jealous of and excuse themselves from doing the hard work.
I’ve trained myself to not be jealous of people. I congratulate them instead. It’s not forced and I don't convert jealousy into admiration—it just happens naturally now with no conversion necessary. I don't get jealous because I realize working hard for something will get you good results. And the person with the good results probably worked harder than me or is better than me. If they didn't earn the results and aren't better than you, take comfort in the fact that they're a fraud and you're real and the fraud will either get his comeuppance or will remain weak and inferior indefinitely.